Down memory lane

Hee today's house cleaning day again. Woke up, aft breakfast, head straight to vacuum the house then mop the floor. But only manage to mop the kitchen and living rm as by then really tired. Will leave the balance till tomorrow.

Thereaft, took late lunch, rest a while before heading to my mum's place for dinner. While resting on the sofa with toby, headache spells came. So to distract myself, think of dear dear. How we spend time together, how we shyly hold our hands while taking bus home fr poly. Brought sweet smiles hee :)

On my way back to my mum's place, passed by my primary school, now deserted. Somehow just recalled the place where we assembled for flag raising, canteen, etc. Sweet memories.

Hee people say that when you start to recap abt the past days, you are getting old. I guess its true. So many fond memories.

Pls watch over them

For me, life as been usual. Taking care of the house. Oh ya, dunno if i am having menses or not (but seems like), i have very dark liver col discharge for past 2 - 3 days. Hee will monitor, anyway aft the body checkup, i know i am alright overall.

These few days just spend time praying for my closed ones in my life.

Dear dear has been unhappy over at work, just pray for peace in his heart and job openings. Over these period of time, i know that know that God allows situations in our lives to strengthen us.

Gladness

Very glad that Judy and baby AN are alright ;) So happy!

Today, dear dear & I spend our evening alone. We went to eat la mian at Great World City. Like tat place as very quiet. Met my ex-boss, Bee Ling, at Zara shop. Hee didn't notice her until she called me.

Thereafter, dear dear & I went to coffee at TCC. We chit chat till 11pm. He talked non stop abt his work and his colleagues while i can share to him abt toby and myself hee. But just enjoyed listening to him and out of the house ;)

On our way home, i just recounted how blessed i am despite i don't hv the spending power. Just enjoy Toby and dear dear's presence, not forgetting God, which money cannot buy. Dear dear also agree (hee glad that he thinks likewise). Why suddenly thou of all these, becos as we were window shopping, there were so many nice things to buy, clothes, furniture, ornaments etc but we juz can't anyhow spend. But imagine if i am working, we can literally spend all i earn while we save the $ that dear dear earns. Yet aft reflection in the car, we both agree tt there are certain things tt money can't buy.

What's the world today?

First of all, dunno why today the network is so so slow. Is it the laptop or network? Nevermind, leave it to sky to take care, i know nuts abt sys.

Yesterday, went to collect my full body checkup results, everything ok except that for one thing that's fertility issue. I am told i hv follicides (immature eggs, 8 of them) in my left ovary, asked me to see gynae. Actually I was awared of my situation abt my fertility but to hear it again was not nice hee. But to be positive, doesn't mean i can't conceive just harder. So will try (mm dunno when), hee that means if accidentally we hv unprotected intimacy, i will be ok ok ha ha.

Aft which, went to my parents for dinner. Saw my nephew, Titus, and we played together. My parents really loved and enjoyed Titus' presence! Hee i played with his PSP, its imaging quality is very gd i must say. I played car racing but got car crash numerous times ha ha. I really not a gaming person. "Chicken feet, duck hand"

Oh ya, what's happening with the kids' today. Yest on the way to collect my results, i saw 2 sec kids (the most sec 1 or 2) behaving very intimately outside the LRT gantry. I was so shocked as they were leaning very close to each other and the guy's lower body kept touching the girl's. I don't remember dating during sec sch days! And it was in public and they didn't seem to care.

And then again on the way to my mum's place, i saw a similar age couple behaving so intimately. I was in guardian pharmacy getting sweets to put in my place just in case, there this couple walked in the cuddling each other and the guy whispered into the girl's ear, and they laughed and walked out. Just so shocked, that girls and boys got attached so young and behave so intimate. Really important to hv gd parenting, what's the point of earning a lot of $.

Lastly, these 2 days, my headache is so so much better aft i stop taking some blood related vits. So now i adjust to take only twice a week.

When will it go away

When can be worse that aft complaining & updating the post, i accidentally deleted it!

Ok to cut the story short, my headache and frustration may be caused by the Vit b complex that the neuro surgeon gave and the 2 lovely (but not so nice) assistants didn't tell me!! It will cause constipation and very heaty for the body!

Really very pissed of with the 2 assistants! This is not the 1st incidence alreadi. Earlier on, when we visited dr lee, these 2 assistants very unkind face when we said we wanted to consider be4 doing the scans and asked them to check other hospitals pricing, pull a long face.

Then when i had drug allergy with the pain killer, my heart ached and i vomitted aft taking them (might be too strong for me), i called them to check and they said they will check with Dr & call me back. Aft hrs of waiting, still no reply. So i called again and they said "i thought i transfered you to the Dr already". Nevermind, so i waited again. Then, diff lady called again and ask me what's my quiry. What are they doing? Aft ding dong here & there, they said doc asked me to stop and bring back the medication.

Still got other incidences like I called Dr Lee to ask if i can just go for the neck scan, 1 of the lady sounded so impatient that i need to check with Dr Lee. What's wrong with her?

And finally, when we went to review the results with Dr Lee, aft the review I forgot to bring the films back hm with me. So i hurriedly went up to take and they hv the cheek to say "oh ya you forget to take your films". I was thinking if you knew i forget to take the films, why didn't you call my mobile and ask me to take back? What if i really forget and went hm, so i come back again to take another day?

Ok enough of complaining and hee tired to retype again so this is the short version of it all

Another day

Today. my neck is very much better. Seems almost recovered except for the sides of the neck. But the headache is still there. And the bad weather makes it worse. These 2 days have been so so hot that sitting down doing nothing can also perspire. We hv been switching on aircon for bedtime these 2 days. I guess tonight as well.

Went to see Dr Fong, he encourages me to be easier on myself. Don't treat everything in life as examination. True i tend to take things on hand too seriously. He says must learn to relax and enjoy. Ha ha he asks me if i enjoy doing anything, i realise i don't hv an immediate answer hee. Ok ok got watch tv, talk shows especially like Oprah and nu ren wo zui da etc. Oh ya and fashion shows.

Finally, picked up the ph to call NLB on my interest on voluntary story telling to the kids. Mm guess what the cust srvc officer gave me a ph no that is always engaged. What's happening? Will call again to check and verify the no.Met my ex boss fr iWrite for lunch at cityhall. Had a good update and we talked fr 12.45pm to 3pm. We had so much to catch up! Hee actually more on her stuff, she shared abt her mil, her kids, her hubby (my friend too) and the girl who replaced me hee. Not easy for her to take her of her stroke and recently discovered suffered fr pakinson disease mil. She shared if not for God's love, she doesn't think she will be able to care for her mil. Agree, many a times if not for God's love, we can't be where we are, to love; to care. Oh ya, she asked if i m interested to wk part time fr aug to oct while her staff goes on maternity hee. Got up to end May to decide.

Back to myself, after the last few days of lowest period of my life, i am trying to pick up myself again and be cheerful. Can't deny at this stage i feel frustrated inwardly still. Frustrated with myself still, but like Dr Fong said, "pls be nice to yourself". So tried to smile more and don't rationale too much.I shared to dear that i felt bad that i neglect Toby and even feel guilty for not wanting to play with him. Sometimes i juz wanna be left alone, just wish he can juz sit next to me and not wanting me play fetch with him. Mm hope i will get out of this soon as its really unfair for him as i am his everything.

Let Nature Takes Its Course

I guess the last 2 days were the lowest point of my life that i can recall. Really depressed and restless. Upset by the pain and the ongoing medications + vits that i need to take. Glad that i am feeling better after sharing and examing the situation with dear dear. True enough i guess at the back of my mind, i simply cannot accept the state that i am in now. Not working, not contributing, no baby and falling sick some more, means can't do much hsehold chores. So simply useless.

But dear dear encourages me to see this as a privilege to be able to stay at home and not work. With a single income we can still uphold the house & exps. One thing he said really encouraged me. While we were chatting, we began to explore solutions. So he asked if my bank had $1 million dollar, will i get better? Though not fully well but i guess i will be better as i do not hv to worry abt the bills, contributions. Then come to realise the problem is not big aft all so do not need to be discourage. Just take things as it goes.

Along our travel on the road for dinner last night, we sang in the car. He began to sing "There is no problem too big, God cannot solve it..there is no sorrow too deep that God cannot soothe it". Indeed, if i compare myself with other less fortunate, i m so much better. Dear dear asked me, if i can choice btw a blind auntie who sells tissue or the current me, who wld i choose? I wld choose the latter one. And that's it. I am so much fortunate.

Also thru our sharing and singing, how much he may not like Nav for some reasons, SP Nav has really did a gd job building our foundations. The songs, verses and teachings aint most of them fr Nav?

Today dear dear also reminded me to take hard as his mother was also like me when she was younger. She was weaker than me, or worse off as he said. It took her 10 years to be the healthy her today. So nothing is impossible nor hopeless. And somehow when i am discouraged to read the bible, God has his way to show me His way. Thru my friend's friendster yest, I saw this that really encourages me "When there is no way, open new ways; when there is no hope, find new hope". So it is never hopeless.

Hence, will continue to press on, learn to accept myself. Oh ya, dear dear took a pic of me and said "ok, this is a pic of your lowest point in life, and this'll be past"

This morning, we went for a nature walk, wanted to wake up at 7am but we were too tired and woke at 9.40am instead. Yet still decided to go. Why? Becos i read fr some health article that the air molecules are very dense in rainforest and they carry gd oxygen + other elemts that is good for the brain. So we went. As you can see from my dear dear's blog, we only walk a short distance, maybe 800m. Didn't continue as there is another 1km to the suspension bridge not forgetting still need to come back. By then it wld be noon! Despite the short dist, we enjoyed the walk. I just like trees and greenaries, so does dear dear. As usual, my legs will get red and itchy becos the grass emits some sort of element that my skin is allegic to. Luckily that happen only when on the way back to the car hee. Oh ya, saw the 'no dog' signage. Sad that Toby can't join us but for the sake of the nature reserve, we can always bring him somewhere else.

Oh ya, its always our desire that we can stay in Switzerland, Interlaken, a laidback town with mountains as backdrop and rivers and trains as walkways. Just enjoy the peace & transquility. A pic we took while we were there.

Thereaft, went back to spend time with Toby and bath for him. Dear dear suggested that i shld bath hime maybe twice a week since he goes for walks often. Ya true, shld do so. Wiping his body aft every walk may not be clean enough.

At night, went back to my pil's place for dinner. Today, my mil prepared steamboat. Nice ;) Aft which watched Phantom of the Opera on channel 5. Never expected myself to be hooked to it but i did. Didn't manage to catch the ending as dear dear wanted to go back home. Hee we didn't go hm, instead we went to 'Bottle Tree Park'. Just drove thru the park as it was privately owned for fishing & dining purposes, so did not get down as Toby was with us. Along the way to the park, I saw the pet qurantine centre (Sembawang), so is this the place where dogs get quarantine? No idea?

When we reached hm, cleaned Toby and we went out again. Downstairs had pasang palam (correct spelling?) so went to take a look. Understood why dear dear treasured wkends so much, he laughed and said now then i understood. Just wanna spent time with loved ones doing things we liked then staying at hm sleeping. He said we got weekdays to sleep. True if i hv the energy, i will cherish every moment of my weekends with dear dear & toby.

Unknowingly, i wrote so long again. Love Toby & love dear dear. Here are some pics of my dear boy boy while we were downstairs on last Fri. I unleashed him to roam ard while i juz sat there at look at the trees & sky. Hee he too. Hearing for any sound. Juz glad that he is aware tt he can't go too far away fr me. And he always by my side.

The results

To begin with, last night was a terrible night. Barely slept as the neck and spinal pain was intorable. Finally, pop a pill and slept at morning before going to Neuro surgeon for the results. Supposedly to be tomorrow but decided to swop as the pain was intense. So tomorrow will be the body checkup.

In the morning was really despaired and was questioning when will my rejoicing come. Didn't want to read bible or pray. But somehow was reminded by Job, he sang praises to the Lord despite the misery he was thru. Dear dear encouraged me that for 3 mths he had bear with the agony of presenting to VP but today he didn't need to present. He asked if this is a miracle and i can't deny it is as God knows he needs a break. So he encourages me that my time will come. I understand what he meant but in my heart i was still in despair.

Journey to the neuro surgeon was an aimless one. No more feeling so begun to read the 'heavenly man' book. God never fails to encourage. Indeed, what i m going thru is so little as compared to those who share God's words with their blood and suffering.

Met Dr Lee and he reviewed the scan results and congratulate me as the the brain cyst has shown no sign of in size and appearance. Thkful for this as tis been i can close the chapter of this cycst in my life. My recent insurance application did not go thru becos of this. They do not want to take this risk to accept me.

As for the cervical spine MRI, the spinal alignment is still perserved but loss of normal cervical lordosis. Early disc desiccation is seen but is still alright. In sum, i need to take supplement to replenish the loss of sort of lubricant for the cervical. I was given omega 3 supplements and tonnes of other medication & supplemts. Bascially is for easing the pain as well as to increase the blood circulation and oxygen to the brain (and that wld include vit d & c etc). Dr Lee doesn't like pple to be on antidepressants as no gd. I am always fascinated by human brain.

Dear dear was thrilled at the findings while i was indifferent. For me, i was troubled becos i was not working and was using a lot of $$ on medication and checkups. But dear dear assured me that health is impt than anything. He posed me the same qn if Toby is lost will you give a $3000 reward; how $5000; how abt $10k. I understand what he is driving at but again is big $ spent this time. Past few nights had been sharing to God my concerns. I know we hv money to pay off these medical bills but i just feel very bad that I hv to use dear dear hard earned money on me. If only I hv $ to pay off these bills but how i am not working.

But God showered His grace on us. To me, this is a miracle and like to testify God's power and goodness. Indeed nothing is impossible. When we opened our mail this evening, we saw the restructuring shares allocated to us. This year, it is automatically transferred to our bank account. Previous yrs you hv the option to carry forward but this year no. And when we totalled up ours, that's the amt we needed to cover for my full medical bills! I was totally thrilled and in my heart kept thking God and so happy that just sang to Him. How shld i put it, this comes at the right time. I always read that God provides his pple needs like sending $ fr a stranger to the person in need but i can never comprehend with that. But now i can.

The other day when Pam shared she didn't know what God has for the sick, neither do I. But as days go by, i love and cherish my life with God and loved ones more. Better able to comprehend with others' sufferings and downs they are going thru.

Really thk God. This gives me strength to move on another step. Prayfully by God's grace my body check up results are going to be ok.

Scans of my life

Tue - 13 Mar 2006
Yesterday went for the brain & neck scan in the morning. Went with my mum and nephew. They kept me company. When we reached the imaging center was really impressed by the setup. They were very attentive to my needs. I told them my fear abt the MRI, and they assured me. For scans, i was attended by 2 personnels, a lady and a guy. Started with the neck scan, the sound of the machine really freak me out despite prayers and dear dear assuring words thru SMS. He cldn't be there as he was really busy at wk. So got to stop and take a break be4 proceeding to the brain scan where injection was required so that can see clearer of the changes of the cycst in the brain. When it started, i was ok as i brought a christian cd to listen. Was assured by the lyrics but as the sound got louder, fear creeped in and i had to press the emergency button to stop the scan. As expected, i cried and the 2 personnels were very attentive, they assured me that i can take a break and soon it will be over. They got me a hot milo as i was really cold. The image rm was colder than the reception area and i was only covered by a green robe. Finally, came the moment when i needed to be injected with the dye into my body. The look of needle freaked me out but finally got injected. I really feared needles poking into me. Till this day, i had countless needles poking into my skin. Hee based on my experience i must say its the head that is most painful as it has no muscle! So anywhere else is still bearable.

Glad that the ordeal was over. I went there at 9.30am and left at 1pm! When it was over, just find myself silly as to why i was so scared hee. Thru this, i can understand why jesus said "you of little faith". I was reminded by Peter walking on the water. Initially, when he focused at Jesus he was able to walk on water. But when he saw the waves, he begun to sink. Exactly, what i was thru! Once you are distracted, fear will devour you. Yet its really easier say than done for me ;p, how long can my faith/focus last w/o being distracted...I really woman of little faith

And also i learnt that in life, its really God & you. When i was taking a break, i saw my mum & nephew at the reception area. That's so far that they can be with me. Some journeys in life you will hv to walk alone. So who can you fall upon besides God. And He is always there with you.

Ya, this is the machine that i am in (the pic on the poster). My upper torso will be in the tunnel during the scan.

Aft that we went back to my mum's place. Took a nap and promised nephew that will bring him down to playgrd at 4pm. At 4plus, my nephew suddenly woke up fr his nap and asked me bring him to playgrd. Indeed, every child is an empty tank. They will absorb and believe what adults say. They are just pure innocent. So as adults we must be a gd example for them. At downstairs, he really enjoyed himself and laughing loudly. Get a chance to teach him to try to climb the slide, jump off fr the step (ha ha if my parents seen this, they'll faint). I guess the setback of hvg grandparents to look aft grandkids are they tend to be over protective, my parents afraid that my nephew will injure himself so will always tell him not to do this, not to do that. So whenever, i hv chance i will teach him (Just feel sorry for him that his parents (my bro & sil) are not ard to nurture him. Thereaft, bath for him, really enjoy it.

At night, i told my parents aft dinner, dear dear & myself needed to rush off as Toby is at home alone all day. When I told dear dear abt my concern, he hurried to my parents. When we reached hm, we fed Toby and brought him down for a walk immediately. At the lift, dear dear & myself looked at each other and said "are we idolising toby?". We said nothing but just a big smile hee.

We slept abt 12 plus but Toby was still very alert. He kept pacing outside our rm. Dear dear's heart soften and let him slept with us, beside our bed. Toby was still awake so we went out to the living rm to keep him company. I played fetch with him while dear dear rested on the sofa. Finally, he was satisfied and we all went to sleep.

And this was how we spent the day on dear dear's birthday. He wanted nothing but a simple day with Toby & me. My gift for him, i guess is my health. I will continue to take gd care of my health. This day i learnt alot.

Today - Wed 14 Mar
Morning woke up, my neck was really painful. Perhaps was becos dear dear rubbed oilment on my neck and head. Thkful for dear dear as he made efforts to rub oilmt on me every night, in hope tt my headache will get better. The aft effect. I can't bend my neck too long if not i will feel nausea.

Stayed at hm and played with Toby. Did only laundry. Bought newspaper hm to read. Read how bad the pollution is happening in china and india! So terrible. The water is badly polluted!

Dear dear initially mentioned that he will hv dinner w vendor but in the end don't hv. So happy so as usual i prepared dinner. 2-3 dishes plus soup.

And for toby, prepared a veg side dish for him. While preparing, he was already very excited, making all the noise. He finished up the veg in split mins. Ya bought him a new bowl, soccer ball design!

Tomorrow will go for another rd of check up at raffles hospital and fri aft will go to the neuro surgeon for the results findings. Really prayed that thru all these, i will be found ok.

What's happening

Last night went down for a walk with toby while dear dear working on his resume (he wants to write a new one). Went to the open field, sat down and mediate while Toby was off leash. Thankful to hv him ard hee, he was really a gd boy, he didn't venture too far away fr me. I guess he was also afraid to lose me. While i was looking up the sky, pondering over some thoughts, there he was sniffing ard and peeing at the plants. At times, he wld jump up onto the seat and sit next to me, watching cars drove passed.

For me, i was pondering over Sat's bible study. Strive the best for the glory of God in what ever position we are in. I am thinking for myself being a wife and a homemaker, did I fare a gd one. Realise there is still rm for improvemt, realise i am limited. Also, pam shared that we shld live our lives as individual really impress upon me. An individual, jus betw God & me. Hv i become dependent on man than God. I believe subtly i m, unknowingly, man has standed btw God & me. Thkful for the reminder. When i looked upon Him and learn fr Him, all things will fall in place. Drink fr the living water. I am limited, He is not.

Today went to see Dr Wu fr TCM. He said i m better fr last week but overall my pulse is still very weak and my body is tired. He urges me to go for the scans and full body checkup to be sure that i am fine. Thou he didn't say much, can tell he is concerned as he urges me to see western doc under internal medicine. Personally, i also felt the need to this time so hv arranged for a head and neck scan tomorrow. And subsequently for detailed check on my body.

I just kept reminding myself that God is with me, "Fear not for I am with Thee". If this is the journey for me, i pray that i get come out strong, closer to God. Indeed, now i treasure everyday of my life. My time with Toby, dear dear, family and friends.

Read the bk 'heavenly man' on my way hm and was again encouraged by Bro Yun. His life is really a testimony. He has struggles too and can comprehend with it. Today, i read on his struggle with doing God works and spending quality time with God. Witnessing has become so much of his life that unknowingly spending time w God becomes superficial. Isn't tt true in my life as well, many a times so distracted with going thru motion of life tt spending time w God has also become one.

Tonight, i resume my cooking as we r used to eating at hm more or less. Last week, we ate out most of the times and we realised we r not used to it. Today, i just cook a simple meal. Chicken rice. Dear dear said nice but i felt juz ok becos its kind of sub standard. Taste diff fr outside (but if taste the same, i can sell chicken rice alreadi hee).

Fellowship

Yesterday we have bible study at chris' place. Miss the gathering. Enjoyed the time where we studied the word on Tim 2. And also enjoyed seeing BM, elijah & mercia. Mercia is really so close to mummy, so sweet. While Elijah is really a man loh, wanting to explore new things, trying to walk while he is juz 4 mths hee.

Thereaft, we went to makan at changi village, its really a not so bad place given that its not so crowded. And the food is nice and reasonable. Aft dinner, when to hv a drink at glass hotel??? Nice place too as not many pple...mm but the variety of drinks that is suitable for me non-coffee drinker is not many. I really miss green tea frucpuccino and the green tea ice cream at MS (no chance to go then eat dessert). Hee took a quick pic with my pretty friend, judy (. Me as i looked at the pic, oh no face so shiny despite wiping with tissues. And hair not nice pin up..but comfortable.

The amazing thing at the lobby is to see mosquitoes flying on top of Phillip's head, sometimes dear dear's hee. How they come in??? Not cold mah? At one time i was so cold and got slight headache (tightness) that i need to borrow heat from pregnant friend judy hee. But overall, really an enjoyable time as the whole sat fully utilised!

Ok got to go, bring toby to Pet movers for a run as yest we were out the whole day..

Its thu

so fast its thu, and hv been some time since i update my blog. Was resting at home fr my headache. Still hvg it but gradually getting better i think. Yest hv a wonderful time with judy.

Today jus rest at hm and do some ironing. Tomorrow going to neuro surgeon. Hopes everything goes well.

Praise the Lord

I wld like to share my experience yesterday. Yest i planned to go see Dr Wu fr TCM at Raffles Hospital. On the way, my headache became worse and feel like throwing up. I decided to u-turn back. Instead i ended up at my mum's place as i don't think i can tanah my way to punggol as traffic was heavy. Be4 that i called dear dear for help but he was really tight up at work, he had a hard time at work as his bosses were all shooting painful arrows at him. Yet somehow i felt in my heart God had allowed it to happen.

At my mum's place, my mum was there waiting for me downstairs with umbrella. Felt so glad someone was ard. Went up lay on bed but the pain was really hard to bear and i threw up. Nothing much except for some white fluid and lots of gas. Yet the pain continue that's where i finally gave up and cried. My mum and brother came over to attend to me. Mum hugged me and my brother rubbed oilment on me. Thereaft, my mum massaged me with oilment all over and kept me warm.

In my heart, i was really thkful for my family and prayed tt God will save them. At that moment, just felt a sense of peace and an inner voice telling me to flip the bible. Aft i had a light dinner, i went back to the rm and read my bible. As i looked at Fri's QT, there it was be4 my eyes, "Acts17:31 - Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved - you and your household." I was thrilled. Unspeakable joy. And thru the massaging the pain somehow got better. I know the Lord has protected me and the timing to heal is just right. Last few days I had been praying to the lord to take away the pain and more importantly that i can experience Him in a deeper manner. Indeed i did and the assurance of my family is taken care comforts me.

This gave me strength to continue my walk with the Lord. Indeed when you feel that how can anything gd come of a worst situation, God has His way of doing things at his timing.

Thank you Lord. To God be the Glory.